10 ways to be a Bad Mummy at Christmas

Off we went to Coolangatta for the Christmas period. Because we are idiots for thinking that driving for 2 days there and then back, with 2 small boys would resemble something like relaxing. It's not. But you knew that.

Once ensconced in a holiday apartment, my sister Emma, her husband Brett and her boys Marley and Jordi came to visit. I was telling her that I was a bad mummy. She asked for examples. I gave her some. She suggested I had enough material for a blog post. Nice. I also told my Mum that Emma thought I would have enough material for a bad mummy blog post. She agreed. Next year Christmas will be with friends. Just saying.

Here we go:
1. I decided not to put up the Christmas tree at home because:

• We weren’t going to be at home for Christmas
• I couldn’t be bothered schlepping the massive box containing the Christmas tree, as well as all the other random boxes of decorations down 3 flights of stairs
• I couldn’t face untangling the 3 sets of Christmas lights. I have done enough problem solving for the year
• Charlie is at that “into everything” stage and I couldn’t face him destroying the tree at every opportunity
• I couldn’t face then packing up the tree sometime in March to do it all over again 9 months later

All this by itself wasn’t too bad until Aiden told me one day, walking up to day-care that they had a tree and pointed out we didn’t have one at home. Bad mummy.

2. On the subject of day-care, they had a Christmas party. They always have a Christmas party. Last year I went, taking along Charlie who was maybe 6 weeks old. Hell on earth people. All the day-care kids plus a good portion of their parents plus sugary food does not a good afternoon make. Luckily this year (here comes the bad mummy bit) I was going to be in Melbourne for work! “Arran, could you go?” Arran forgot and got some grief from the Childcare Director when he went to pick up the boys that afternoon. Apparently Charlie had a good time. He got a tattoo that took 6 days to get off. Aiden was scared of the jumping castle.

3. I didn’t get any specific presents for Charlie from Santa. The second child is tricky, specially cause he is a boy. We have bought heaps of things for Aiden so Charlie doesn’t really need anything. He steals everything from Aiden! I did want to get him something anyway, but what? I forgot about it. Christmas eve rolled around before I remembered I had got him nothing. I re-labeled some of Aiden's train presents for Charlie. 

Beautiful Charlie

4. Since going on holidays I have forgotten to brush Aiden's teeth. We were 4 nights into our trip away before I remembered, even though I had bought him a new Diego toothbrush. And after that I didn't remember until we go home yesterday. Seriously. Bad Mummy. Though maybe the Daddy could have remembered?

5. There was no Santa photo because I couldn’t face standing in line with lots of screaming kids and because work was stupid busy and I was pooped. One of my friends asked if I had taken the boys to see Santa, and before I could even draw my guilty breath to answer, she said "Oh that's right, you aren't that kind of mummy".

6. Aiden wanted a fire truck from Santa, and I forgot. It was even written up on a board at daycare presumably for mummy's like me.  Luckily Aunty Laura and Aunty Luella got him a little one. It's probably not the kind he would have asked Santa for, if I had taken Aiden to see him.

7. I was going to buy a cheap Christmas tree from a $2 shop when we got to Coolangatta but couldn't be bothered. Emma helped me buy some decorations and we got fancy with the plastic plant in the holiday unit. It doesn't even remotely look like a Christmas tree. Have you seen anything sadder?

See! Charlie about to destroy the tree!

8. Aiden loves being with his cousins Marley and Jordi. It would be great if they could be together more often, but I like living in Sydney. Marley and Jordi are in Brisbane. Selfish mummy.

The Cousins - Aiden, Marley, Charlie and Jordi

9. I hate the piles of coloured plastic shit toys all over my house. There seems to be at least double the amount since Christmas. Even though we have a relatively large house there is nowhere near enough storage. There could never be enough storage. There is going to be a cull. Very. Soon.

10. Forgot to get Arran a wedding anniversary present. Or even a card. This is really in the bad wife category but I have presently run out of bad mummy stories. Hard to believe I know.

Does anyone else have any bad mummy/daddy/aunty/uncle/grandparent stories? Would make me feel better!

It sucks coming 2nd!

Remember how Cadel Evans won the Tour de France last year? He became Australia's latest sports hero. Most Australians had no idea who Cadel Evans was until this win. We are a parochial lot that way. Anyone know who came second? Anyone?

Which brings me to Charlie. Poor Charlie. He has started going to day-care at Caring 4 Kids, one day a week. I at least need to get him in 3 days a week, so I can go back to work in early April.  So far only one day has come up so I had to take it. They are so awesome that no-one wants to leave and the waiting list is large. While I was there last Friday there was three other parents asking for extra days. Gulp.

I'm hoping Charlie's cuteness moves him up the waiting list at Caring 4 Kids!

When Aiden started going to day-care I was very organised. He had his own little back pack with his name on it as well as cot sheets (labelled with his name), bottles (labelled with his name), he had "onesie" singlets, specially purchased so his tummy wouldn't get cold if his shirt rode up and there was no one there to pull it down. He had bibs with his name on them too.

Charlie went off to day-care last week with bottles labelled with his brother's name, which he won't drink from (he only likes boob), cot sheets that wouldn't fit on the cots at day-care, (not labelled) and his 'things' in an "enviro" shopping bag. Poor Charlie. 

Very optimistic packing all these bottles!

Charlie's clothing situation is not great either. Being the second boy in the family there is heaps of (hand-me-down) clothes for him to wear, in theory. Aiden ended up having lots of clothes, despite there not being the same range of clothing to purchase for boys, as there is for girls. Any children's clothing store or children's section of department store seems to have 75% girls stuff and somewhere towards the back there is some navy, green, brown and if you are lucky, red, mostly uninspiring clothing for boys. And I still managed to buy Aiden heaps of clothes. 

The only problem is that Aiden and Charlie were born at different times of the year. Aiden in March as Sydney moved into winter and Charlie in October as the weather started to warm up. This means that Charlie gets to wear about a third of Aiden's hand-me-downs. And because I seem to have clothes everywhere in the boy's room I haven't bought any more. Poor Charlie.


Of course this neglect started at the very beginning. When Aiden was born a professional photographer visited the hospital to take some new-born shots. We loved them and many people asked who took them (Footprints Photography) and some friends have gone on to use them for their baby shots. Here is one of our favourites:

Aiden, 3 days old.

When Charlie was born the hospital was packed with women and their babies. Charlie and I were shipped off to the Crown Plaza at Codgee to enjoy the Little Luxuries program (tough gig I tell you) because I was a 2nd time mum and because our health fund had decided to cover the cost. There were no professional photographers at the Crown Plaza. Poor Charlie.

Luckily in the past week, the mummy-guilt kicked in and a few things have arrived for poor Charlie.

 Here is Charlie's new bag. It arrived on Monday. Phew! 

Here are Charlie's labels. They arrived today. Yah!

Better take a good look at these labels because after a flurry of labelling I will probably put them somewhere safe, and then not remember where I put them. On the positive side I have just found the labels I ordered when Aiden was Charlie's age!

I have also procured some brand new cot sheets for Charlie for him to use at day-care. He has a new bottle with a softer more boob-like teat which "the girls" at Caring 4 Kids, think he will like a bit better.

And luckily in January our lovely friend Andrea Thompson came to visit and photograph Charlie. She managed to get some beautiful shots between him screaming his head off, for no apparent reason. Maybe he had a hint of the neglect ahead of him?

Day 5 - The "mbwngtm" challenge: By request

So the 8 day "my brain will not go to mush" challenge is going strong. So far it seems I can string a few words together on not much. Yay me. Brain seems to be intact. Mostly. Last night on Facebook I commented that I didn't have any inspiration for today's post. My sister Emma, commented that she likes to hear about me being a bad mummy, as Emma puts it. Nice. A friend, Katie would like to hear about who inspires me as she is currently being inspired by Cas and Jonesy. I contemplated. I'm thinking about writing a self-development themed blog when I return to work and I'm going to use Katie's idea for that blog. Thanks Katie! So here you go Em!

On Monday when I was picking up Aiden from Caring 4 Kids, Chantell his room leader pulled me aside to have a chat. I knew it! She wanted to tell me what a good job I had done toilet training Aiden!

 "Lisa, does Aiden use a drink bottle at home"? 

What? Huh?

"You see when we hand out the drink bottles to all the kids, we get to the end and Aiden just gets a cup"

Oh that's sad. Pang of mother guilt. Bad Mummy. I don't want him to feel left out. But Aiden won't drink out of a drink bottle. He will drink out of a cup. A proper one. Isn't that good? Chantell suggested I get a bottle the same as Daniel, Aiden's friend so that Aiden could copy him. Fair enough. 

"Also, could you bring in a family photo so we can put it on the wall?" Sure. Have you noticed he doesn't wet his pants? Have you?

I set out on a mission to get a drink bottle just like Daniel's, with a lid. Apparently the lid is for hygiene. I've seen the kids at daycare. I"m not sure a lid is going to do it! 

I went to K-mart, Target, The Reject Shop, Priceline, The "Cheap" Shop on Glebe Point Rd and Coles. HOW HARD IS IT TO BUY A DRINK BOTTLE?? It's hard, let me tell you. Firstly I wanted one that looked like Daniel's. Daniel's Mum must have bought his in another country. None of the bottles I came across look like Daniel's. Secondly I wanted a clear bottle so that Aiden could see there was water inside. We have had some limited success with the little bottles of water that come with McDonald's Happy Meals. They are clear and have a pop-top. There are no clear drink bottles to be found. Thirdly I wanted a bottle that looked good. Aesthetics is everything!

I ended up, in desperation, back at Coles where I purchased a grey/clear drink bottle with Cars on it. At least if Aiden didn't drink the water he could enjoy looking at the Cars. Aiden seemed very pleased with his new drink bottle. He carried it all the way to day care. On the way I realised it didn't have a lid. And I had forgotten a family photo.

I apologised for the bottle not having a lid and promised to do better. I didn't mention the photo. Yesterday afternoon, before picking up Aiden, I decided I would go to Broadway Shopping Centre early and have a better look at the selection of drink bottles. Before leaving I printed the one photo we have of all four of us, taken on an iPhone and put it in the basket under Charlie's pram. Good mummy. 

Off to Broadway I go with Charlie. He has had a feed and is quite contented. I wonder if I would have time to try on those nice black pants I saw in Witchery? Arriving at the shopping centre he is still awake but happy so I quickly nip into Witchery. I pick a few pairs of black pants, a top and a stretchy suck-you-in type camisole and make haste to the change room. The black pants are great and so is the camisole. Out to the register to pay (Charlie still chilled) to find out they are having promotion - buy 2 items and get the 3rd free. I wandered around the store and settled on a silver tote bag I have been eyeing for a few months. It will be perfect for a Gold Coast holiday coming up (yes Mum I have bought the plane tickets). Wait for ages for the women in front to pay. Start to get panicky that there is not much time to buy another drink bottle for Aiden. With a lid.

Race into K-mart and settle on an ugly blue plaid patterned aluminum bottle with a lid. Go pick up Aiden. Forget to leave bottle. And photo.

It wasn't till later in the evening that I realised I didn't see the photo in the basket under the pram while I was at the shops. Go over to check. It's not there. Hmmm....

On the way to Broadway Shopping Centre yesterday afternoon I had to post a group booking confirmation document, for a hotel in Sydney. A very nice hotel on the harbour. I am running a Leadership program for the company I work for, which commences in Sydney in February. The 16 participants from all over Asia will be staying in this very nice hotel. I had posted the photo with the accommodation contract. I rang my contact at the Hotel this morning. She killed herself laughing. I printed another photo.

So now Aiden has 2 drink bottles he probably won't drink out of, and a dorky family photo on the wall at daycare.

Playtime

Back in August I wrote about Caring 4 Aiden and the great work his child-care centre Caring 4 Kids do as well as the amazing support we get from Vision Australia. In addition to Anna from Vision Australia working with “the girls” at Caring 4 Kids to ensure his development stays on track, Anna and another Occupational Therapist, Cathy, run a playgroup for kids Aiden’s age and younger at their premises in Enfield, Sydney. All the kids have a vision impairment with some having Albinism like Aiden.

Vision Australia have this amazing indoor sensory playroom to help encourage children who are blind or visually impaired investigate and be stimulated by their surroundings. It’s very cool. I reckon any kid would like going there. There is a big ball pit, slides, a bridge, a small trampoline, tunnels, small dark rooms with LED lights, things that make noise, bikes, a section of floor with different textures, little tables and chairs for craft or morning tea….Let’s face it, if I was a bit smaller I would there using all this stuff with the kids!

Aiden with Anna checking out a toy

Racing around with a bright trolley!

Vision Australia play group is not just for the kids though. It’s a chance for the parents to chat with each other and with Anna and Cathy and get tips to help their kids.  At the December playgroup I was reminded of how important it is for parents to be able to chat with other parents of children with Albinism, particularly parents whose children are older. When your child is first diagnosed there are a lot of unknowns and seeing how other parents have dealt with different situations and stages of development is comforting.

When your child is small one of the first things are you confronted with is people making comments about them when you are out and about. Often the comments are about their amazing hair colour and sometimes about their eyes, which are moving left to right because people with Albinism have Nystagmus. Dealing with these people can be a problem. For the most part you are still working out stuff for yourself so what do you tell them? Do you give a stranger who you will never see again a detailed spiel on Albinism or tell them to mind their own business and bugger off? I genuinely believe that most people are well meaning, kind and just curious. In these cases I will give a response that ranges from just nodding, or “yes his hair is amazing” to giving a short explanation of his condition. This can lead to further questions and sometimes unhelpful comments; glasses will fix his sight won’t they? They won’t.

I realised recently that working out how to deal with these people was one of my big questions when Aiden was little and had forgotten about that until I was asked how I dealt with it. Full circle. I guess I have just worked out a way to gauge how much to tell people based on the situation eg how the person approached me (in line at the supermarket vs having a coffee in a café) and my patience level for that day and time. I have also got my Albinism spiel down pat so that makes it easier too. If I have the time it’s a good chance to raise awareness of Albinism as most people don’t know much about it.

I think it just takes practice and patience to deal with complete strangers asking questions about your child and I have found that its not such a big issue now that I have gotten good at dealing with them.

So why am I telling you about this? It’s really to raise awareness of Vision Australia and the amazing work they do. They provide a huge range of services for blind and visually impaired people, many at no cost. Bringing parents of visually impaired children together to share their experiences is a very small part of what they do in the community. To continue to do this work they need funding. If you would like to know more about their Christmas appeal there is info here

You may also like to watch Vision Australia’s Carols by Candlelight, on Christmas Eve!

Charlie getting into the Christmas spirit at Vision Australia

Caring 4 Aiden

I’ve been contemplating my next blog update and originally thought I would tell you about the lounge room renovation at our Glebe St house.  Then lying awake for most of the night last night I was thinking about something that happened yesterday afternoon that would make a nice blog update.

I left work early yesterday. Feeling sick and fed-up and wondering for the 10^th day in a row how I hadn’t managed to cough out my poor baby bump early. I was also fantasising about “un-friending” the next person who updated their Facebook status with tales of warm weather and cocktails or anything related to wine and chocolate.  Need a holiday much?

On the 45 minute drive home I contemplated whether I would go for a walk before it got dark (most of my walks over the winter months being conducted after 8pm in the cold) but as I got closer to home I decided to park the car at home and walk up to Aiden’s daycare centre to pick him up. Two birds and all. Arran came along for the walk, having been home all day on a bank holiday. Yes banks make so much money they can afford to give their employees an extra days holiday while the rest of us work!

We arrived at Caring 4 Kids at the Broadway Shopping centre. As we entered the multitude of doors that would impress gaolers at any maximum security prison, the centre Director Toni saw us and was so excited! She had seen Aiden do something during the day that she had never seen before and was desperate to show us. She bowled past us, through more doors to show us out to the little outdoor area where Aiden and his group were having fun with Chantell.

Aiden, as always was very happy to see us and couldn’t decide who he wanted to be with more! It’s unusual for both Mum and Dad to pick him up! He had a desperately needed hair cut the day before and one of ‘the girls’ had fashioned his hair into a Faux-hawk! Cute.

Toni scraped open a little shed in the yard and pulled out 6 coloured buckets attached by a rope and demonstrated how Aiden was able to walk across each of the upturned buckets all by himself (like stepping stones), while she watched nervously by, ready to catch him if he fell. 

Aunty Em found this photo!

Of course any encouragement to get Aiden to repeat this feat was useless. Aiden refused to be a show pony and would not perform on demand! Toni did a great demo in his place! Probably doesn’t sound too remarkable. Most 2 year olds could easily do this.

Aiden has a visual impairment. He has a genetic condition called Albinism, specifically oculocutaneous albinism, which means he has no pigment (melanin) in his hair, skin or retina. He is pretty pale with white, white hair! An amazing number of people stop to tell us they were as fair as Aiden when they were little or their children were as fair. We generally nod and smile while thinking “yeah right!”. Arran has been known to show less restraint with sticky-beak, nosey-bodies in line at Coles.

To date, we have had only one instance of a lady chatting to us at Astor Espresso in Glebe who actually has a son with a similar condition to Aiden. While not having pigment in your hair or skin is not too concerning (apart from wondering if you should invest in sunscreen shares), pigment is needed in your retina so you can see well.

Aiden can definitely see, though will probably end up being “legally blind”. Functionally, his sight is pretty good. He rarely trips over things or runs into walls, despite well meaning people assuming this must be the case. In fact he is generally more careful than other children his age and rarely sports the bumps and bruises of other kids. His reduced sight has meant that some of his physical development has been delayed. As babies develop they are motivated to move because they are curious to explore their surroundings. If you can’t see your surroundings that well you tend to stay put a little longer and develop physical skills a little later. Aiden crawled and walked later than his peers but as a consequence of being stationary for longer is a really good talker!

Since Aiden was very little Vision Australia have been a fantastic help. Anna, his Occupational Therapist has made home visits, invited us to events to meet other parents of children with Albinism and other visual impairments and worked closely with Toni and ‘the girls’ at Caring 4 Kids to ensure that Aiden’s development keeps up with the other kids. Anna has also worked closely with the additional carers Toni was able to secure for Aiden through government funding.

So Aiden being able to walk across coloured upturned stepping-stone buckets by himself is pretty cool and so is his carers being so excited about this achievement they can’t wait to show us. This was the best bit of my day and I was glad I left work a little early. I think it’s pretty hard to find people like Toni and Anna but I’m really glad they are involved in Aiden’s life.