Travel. Alone.

Ready to fly

 
If you read my blog a bit you might know that I like to travel. Oh yes. And my new role is going to facilitate my love of travel. The business is quite spread out around Australia, there is a lot of change management work to be done, my role also covers asia-pacific so I'll be seeing a little of Asia, and the company head office is in the US. Apart from missing all the boys in the house, it's all good. And Arran loves having Aiden and Charlie to himself.

All the boys

This week I spent two days in Melbourne and one in Brisbane. I really would like to spend more time in Melbourne. It's a real contradiction. It's gentrified and gritty. It's traditional and edgy. It's polished and friendly. It has a different vibe to Sydney, which I think is big, brash and egotistic. And breathtakingly gob-smackingly beautiful. I think Melbourne lacks Sydney's beauty but I really like the city. And don't know it that well so I'm intrigued and curious.

After spending all day in an office on Monday I was busting to go for a walk on Melbourne's streets. Staying in the centre of the city, I checked into my hotel and headed to see what I could see, and decide where to have dinner. The streets were bustling with tourists, people heading home from work, and friends meeting up for an early dinner. 

One of Melbourne's many laneways

I walked around for half an hour before stumbling across my favourite lane-way. I never know it's name or exactly how to find it, but I somehow always end there when I'm on foot.  It was full of people catching up, having a bite to eat or a glass of wine. I walked a little longer but returned there to one of my favourite places for dinner. 

I settled myself into a bench seat with my back against the wall (a great people watching position), ordered a small plate of pasta and a small greek salad, a glass of red and settled in with a glossy magazine. Perfection when a usual working week meal is provided by "lite and easy", and eaten at toddler o'clock.

I wandered back to my hotel for a little social media indulgence and then off to sleep at 9.30pm with no interruption till morning from Charlie screaming for no apparent reason.  Bliss.

Melbourne skyline

Tuesday night I was in Brisbane and stayed with Mum and Dad. Mum wanted to know what I did the previous night. She was horrified that I was walking around the city alone and had dinner alone. In a restaurant.

When I first started travelling for work I found travelling alone a little tougher. I guess I was younger and less sure of myself, a little less confident. My very first business trip was to London, business class. My manager kindly let me fly in on Saturday morning so I had the weekend to see the city and shop. It was tough to leave that hotel room and get about that city by myself. There was a lot of self-talk going on about what a great opportunity I was given and that I needed to stop being stupid and just get out there!

The more I have travelled by myself, the less I have had to encourage myself to explore. Now if I'm travelling for work and a kind work colleague wants to look after me, or organise my personal time, I feel a little resentful that I'm not left to explore alone for at least some of the time!

I knew that I had become very comfortable travelling alone when Charlie and I did a trip to Guangzhou, China when he was 4 months old. I was having dinner with 7 Chinese people, of which only one could speak a little (basically no) English and I knew no Mandarin. My translator was not joining me until the next day. And it was ok. We were all having a lovely night with lovely food.  I felt safe and confident. 

Compare this to my first business trip to London, when I spent a weekend in Antwerp, Belgium. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to communicate with anyone there, which was a completely ridiculous worry. Belgians speak very good English along with 2 or 3 other languages. I was fine. I even discovered I can mostly read French in restaurants and work out what I would like to eat. It was a good lesson.

So a 45 minute walk on Melbourne's bustling streets and a lovely meal alone was fine. Nice. Perfect.

I think travelling and eating alone in a strange city and/or country is an acquired skill. What do you think? Have you ever travelled alone and found it hard to "get out there"?

 

Put your own mask on, before helping others.

I have been lucky to travel a lot. Both for work and for holidays. My favourite way to travel is on planes. There is still a little romance left in this form of travel for me, even when I don't get to go business class. One Company I worked for only ever sent me overseas and only travelling business class to stay in 5-star hotels. All expenses paid. I call this period of my career the "Travel Princess" period. I travelled to London, Belgium, The Phillipines, India...sigh, anyway this is not the point. 

My point is that when you travel by air you always get the safety briefing, which includes demonstrating how to put an oxygen mask on your face, should they drop from the ceiling. I ask you, is there ever a circumstance when the mask drops from the ceiling, that it's all going to end well? Is the mask really going to help if you are about to pitch into the ocean?

During the demonstration you are always told to put your mask on before helping others, like children.

When Aiden was a new-born baby Arran used to ask me about what to do or how to do it, in regards to Aiden's care. Like I knew what I was doing! Eventually I said "Babe, just cause I gave birth doesn't mean I know all the answers! You're the Dad. You work it out!" I remember sitting at a sports field at the end of a Mountain Bike race (where else) when Aiden was very little. Arran had finished the race and I had gone off to get him a cold soft drink and a sausage in a piece of bread from the local Rotary Club BBQ. I came back to find Arran giving Aiden a bottle. "He was crying and I didn't know if he needed to be fed but then I thought, I'm the Dad, I can make a decision so I'm giving him a bottle". He was very pleased with himself. Smug even.

I don't think many women give over that kind of parenting power so early on, or ever for that matter. With both of us working full-time I didn't want to be the only person who could only put Aiden to bed or attend to his needs. I wanted both of us to share the parenting and the work load that goes with it, and that meant that Arran and I both had to feel confident doing everything. It works out pretty well most of the time though every now and again...... 

Charlie and I have been sick over the past week and one night at 2am Charlie decided to scream his lungs out. He wouldn't be comforted and wouldn't feed. He was hot so I left him lying on our bed (still screaming) to trek downstairs to find the baby Panadol I purchased that day. It was nowhere to be seen. I go back up stairs. Charlie has fallen asleep on our bed so I attempt to put him back in his cot. He woke up (of course) and continued his screaming. Arran finally wakes up and suggests that perhaps I should give him some Panadol. Gee. I hadn't thought of that. I WOULD IF I COULD FIND IT!!  Do you think you might have put it in the bin? says me. The next morning Arran finds the Panadol in the recycling bin outside where he had helpfully put it. And governments wonder about the rise in violent behaviour in women.

We do have a different approach though and from having coffee with my mother's group friends and listening to their complaining, I mean telling me about their warming family stories, there seems to be a consistent theme. It's seems that the Dads are good at putting their oxygen masks on, before helping others. In my limited experience and deep mother's group research that's what the Dad's do, when looking after the kids. They do their thing first and then attend to the kid. And it pisses the mummies off! A few examples:

• When Aiden was little and crying during the night, Arran would get get up to attend to him (usually after me pushing him hard out of the bed because he has learnt the ability to sleep through any amount of crying and screaming) but would stop on the way to go to the toilet. Aiden would be crying his little heart out and Arran is calmly doing a pee. I am lying awake listening to both these activities wishing I had gotten up instead.
• Arran and Aiden often have a shower together in the evening. When they get out Aiden stands dripping wet while Arran dries himself off. Then Arran dries Aiden but his hair is still very wet. Then they move into our bedroom where Arran gets dressed and then he takes Aiden into his room and dresses him. This is very similar to what one of my friend's husband does, except he gets dressed and makes himself a cup of tea before getting in trouble from his wife for leaving their little girl to wander around naked with dripping hair.
• If Arran is upstairs reading Aiden a story before bedtime, I will be downstairs cleaning up the kitchen. If I am upstairs feeding Charlie and putting him to bed, Arran is downstairs watching TV and playing on his computer.
• On Sunday, on returning home after an outing to buy more plants to kill, Arran left Charlie in the car because he needed to go to the toilet. When I gave him a 'look' he said "I didn't want to wet myself!" Has anyone seen a grown man wet himself recently because it took him an extra minute to get to the toilet? I think not.

I don't think the Daddies even realise they are doing it! It's some-kind-of built in thing to look after yourself first. I think the mum's put the oxygen mask on others before themselves. Again, its built in. I have grabbed Charlie a number of times in the middle of the night and been feeding him before realising I was busting to go to the toilet! And it really would be nice to not have breakfast at 10 when I have been up since 6. 


I guess it doesn't matter much in the end how things can done but geez it can be annoying. Do you put your mask on before helping others?

Charlie "Crackin it" (Andrea Thompson Photography)